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Added for You - Effective Communication Skills
There has been a lot of to-ing and fro-ing in the search engine world of late and there are lots of conspiracy theories as to why these things happen.It is easy as a webmaster to get caught up in these webs of intrigue.You get email notes about them, you view so-called experts' thoughts on bulletin Boards - hey you probably even read things in newsletter articles!Well I hope so anyway....The big driver for webmasters currently appears to be content and link building.While link building is important I don't believe it makes Queen. Maybe a Prince. Content and links DO go hand in hand but, without relevance, the Kingdom is doomed. Sorry I will stop the analogy now! :-)If your site i
Most high-ranking websites can attribute at least part of their success to excellent content. Informative, well-written articles generate reader interest, position you as an expert in the field, and encourage readers to link to you and share the valuable information you offer-all of which can give your business a big boost. If you're thinking of building your article library on your own, here are a few tips for writing great online articles.Use catchy titles. The title should promise a benefit from reading the article-it should basically be a one-sentence summary of what the reader will learn. If you're not good at coming up with catchy one-liners, there's an easier way to write eye-grabbing titles: ju
When communicating, intent refers to the message you are trying to convey to the other person. Impact refers to the message they actually receive. If we were all top rate communicators, our intent would always match our impact perfectly. It is important to learn more about intent and impact because it is when they don't match, that bitterness and hurt feelings can result. Look at the following example:
Jane had a really bad day. When she arrives home she sees that her husband Bill has, once again, left a mess in the kitchen. This makes her furious and she yells at him: "You never help me with anything around here!".
Jane's intent was that she is frustrated because Bill often leaves a mess in the kitchen that she ends up cleaning. Her impact is that Bill hears: "You never help me with anything around here!". How is the intent different from the impact? Think about it for a minute before reading on.
It is not that Bill never helps with anything, it is that he doesn't usually help cleaning the kitchen. When Jane tells him that he never helps, he feels unappreciated for all the things he does do, such as taking out the trash, making supper, earning an income for his family, etc. Instantly Bill becomes defensive and closed off to listening to anymore that his wife has to say on the matter. So much for healthy communication. How could Jane have clearly communicated her real feelings?
Before discussing a complaint with our partner we should always plan what we are going to say and how we are going to say it without hurting our partner or causing them to be on the defense.
One of the best ways to accomplish this is with "I" language.
"I" Language
"I" language is using the words "I" and "me" as opposed to "you", when voicing a complaint. Everyone is sensitive to complaints and criticism, we don't want to feel that it is our fault, that we have screwed up big time. Think of this, wife A might get very annoyed when her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, wife B might not care at all if her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. So, if wife A wants to express her complaint to her husband should she really focus on him? Should she say: "You are such a slob! You never put your clothes in the laundry hamper, you always expect me to pick them up!"? Rather than fo
Two years ago Jeff was a discontented software developer. His work left him frustrated and mentally drained each day. His performance reviews were generally positive, but always noted a lack of genuine interest or motivation. He agreed completely with these reviews. Following a specific aptitude test and some coaching, Jeff understood the reason and set his sights on becoming a systems administrator…and he’s never looked back.Jeff’s feeling that there was something missing in his career is all too common. Despite the money, the telecommuting—and even the sandals—a growing number of IT professionals are complaining that their work lives seem to have no meaning. And on the surface, this doesn’t seem to make sense.
Jane's intent was that she is frustrated because Bill often leaves a mess in the kitchen that she ends up cleaning. Her impact is that Bill hears: "You never help me with anything around here!". How is the intent different from the impact? Think about it for a minute before reading on.
It is not that Bill never helps with anything, it is that he doesn't usually help cleaning the kitchen. When Jane tells him that he never helps, he feels unappreciated for all the things he does do, such as taking out the trash, making supper, earning an income for his family, etc. Instantly Bill becomes defensive and closed off to listening to anymore that his wife has to say on the matter. So much for healthy communication. How could Jane have clearly communicated her real feelings?
Before discussing a complaint with our partner we should always plan what we are going to say and how we are going to say it without hurting our partner or causing them to be on the defense.
One of the best ways to accomplish this is with "I" language.
"I" Language
"I" language is using the words "I" and "me" as opposed to "you", when voicing a complaint. Everyone is sensitive to complaints and criticism, we don't want to feel that it is our fault, that we have screwed up big time. Think of this, wife A might get very annoyed when her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, wife B might not care at all if her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. So, if wife A wants to express her complaint to her husband should she really focus on him? Should she say: "You are such a slob! You never put your clothes in the laundry hamper, you always expect me to pick them up!"? Rather than f
The Civil Rights Act of 1964 makes it illegal to discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, age, national origin, and sex.Federal sexual harassment law is broken into two categories: Quid Pro Quo and Hostile Sexual Environment. This article looks at Hostile Environment.A Hostile Environment occurs when unwelcome sexual conduct ruins an employee's work environment.When this occurs the behavior or its effect unreasonably interferes with work performance and/or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive environment either at work or at company-sponsored events.The behavior must be unwelcome and in most cases repeated.Types of harassment includes: sexually explic
It is not that Bill never helps with anything, it is that he doesn't usually help cleaning the kitchen. When Jane tells him that he never helps, he feels unappreciated for all the things he does do, such as taking out the trash, making supper, earning an income for his family, etc. Instantly Bill becomes defensive and closed off to listening to anymore that his wife has to say on the matter. So much for healthy communication. How could Jane have clearly communicated her real feelings?
Before discussing a complaint with our partner we should always plan what we are going to say and how we are going to say it without hurting our partner or causing them to be on the defense.
One of the best ways to accomplish this is with "I" language.
"I" Language
"I" language is using the words "I" and "me" as opposed to "you", when voicing a complaint. Everyone is sensitive to complaints and criticism, we don't want to feel that it is our fault, that we have screwed up big time. Think of this, wife A might get very annoyed when her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, wife B might not care at all if her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. So, if wife A wants to express her complaint to her husband should she really focus on him? Should she say: "You are such a slob! You never put your clothes in the laundry hamper, you always expect me to pick them up!"? Rather than f
Not long after the birth of my youngest child in 2003, I made the decision to try my hand at internet marketing. Honestly, I had no clue what I was getting into. I had no idea exactly what the industry was like or how difficult it can be to make money. I read all of the ads and hype about how quickly I would be raking in the bucks as long as I followed such and such plan or bought this or that 'guru' book. One concept that did catch my eye and made more sense than most was the idea of affiliate marketing. Given the fact that the reason I chose to quit my job was to be with my son, creating passive income appealed to me. So, I did find one or two really good books on affiliate marketing and began my new adventure. I had no id
Before discussing a complaint with our partner we should always plan what we are going to say and how we are going to say it without hurting our partner or causing them to be on the defense.
One of the best ways to accomplish this is with "I" language.
"I" Language
"I" language is using the words "I" and "me" as opposed to "you", when voicing a complaint. Everyone is sensitive to complaints and criticism, we don't want to feel that it is our fault, that we have screwed up big time. Think of this, wife A might get very annoyed when her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, wife B might not care at all if her husband leaves his dirty clothes on the floor. So, if wife A wants to express her complaint to her husband should she really focus on him? Should she say: "You are such a slob! You never put your clothes in the laundry hamper, you always expect me to pick them up!"? Rather than f
Student loans are offerd to students to assit them in paying the required fees. Student loans are generally lower compared to other loans and is issued by the government most of the time.Typically student loans differ from country to country. In Australia for example, students can pay for university courses using the Higher Education Contribution Scheme (HECS). The selection criterion for HECS is based on the student’s rank achieved in the secondary school final examination. HECS fees are government-subsidised, and are substantially cheaper than full-fee paying places which have lower entry requirements.In Canada however, students are normally eligible for loans provided by the federal government, not withstand
"I really don't like your clothes being left on the floor because I have to pick them up when I do the laundry. It would be so much easier for me if you would put them in the laundry hamper."
Now she is still communicating the same message, she wants him to put his clothes in the hamper, but she has done it in a way that doesn't blame or accuse.
Another benefit of "I" language is that it avoids mind reading. "Research shows that mind reading is more common among distressed couples than among nondistressed couples." (Hyde and DeLamater, 2000) Take another look at the quote above:
"You are such a slob! You never put your clothes in the laundry hamper, you always expect me to pick them up!"
The wife is engaging in mind reading by assuming that her husband expects her to pick them up at all, he might not even notice if they stayed on the floor for weeks! :)
Give Examples
I'll admit it, I have a selective memory. A lot of people do. This is why you should always have some specific examples to cite when bringing a complaint to your partner. If you lash out at your partner angrily because she never listens to you, you may leave her wondering why you think she NEVER listens. She probably listens most of the time, but that once and awhile when she doesn't has become the straw that broke the camel's back. An example such as the following is very effective:
"Last night when I got home I was very stressed about my day. I tried to talk to you but I felt like you weren't paying attention. Were you distracted with something?"
This example is effective because it leads into a possible cause
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