g for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has all

One of the beautiful things about growing older is we gain the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. As for me, I’m smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don’t see quite as well as I used to. I’m also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste.

When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent too much time craving the wrong men for all the right reasons. Can you relate? Think back for a moment. How many times did you ignore someone’s red flag warning because you were head over heals in love with the idea of being in love? Or worse yet, how many times did you mistake lust for love? How often did you justify or simply overlook his faults and irresponsible behavior because he was a smooth talker? Did you ever just settle for someone because you felt like you were pushing old maid status and all of your girlfriends were already married?

It’s safe to say if I knew then what I know now I would’ve definitely taken a different approach in my pursuit of finding Mr. Right. What about you? How much have your thoughts and feelings changed over the years about love and marriage? I made a checklist of things I was on the lookout for prior to hitting the middle age dating scene again so I could resolve any issues that could have an impact on my happily ever the second time around.

Compare my list to yours.

#1 Has he ever been married or divorced?

That’s important to know especially if you’ve been divorced like me. It’s been my experience that older people, who’ve been single for awhile, tend to develop a mind set and get used to doing things their own way because they don’t have to answer to anyone. The dating part of the relationship can be a lot of fun but when you decide to make that trip down the aisle and move into each other’s space, your living together could end up being cramped and uncomfortable. Some people should be prepared to face the hard core reality that they may be better off alone.

#2 What kind of baggage is coming into the relationship?

Dating at middle age can be challenging because all of us bring some baggage into each other’s lives. Some of us have packed so much stuff over the years from bad relationships that we could take a trip around the world twice.

They say time heals all wounds. That may be true but you need to find out how old and deep those wounds are. In my case, I tried dating about six months after my divorce. It was someone I had known years ago and always wanted a second chance. But the wounds from my tumultuous marriage and divorce were still fresh. No matter how much I wanted the relationship to work, I couldn’t get past the anger and resentment. It caused me to slip into a deep depression and made being around me an unpleasant experience. That was my baggage. But thank God I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

On the other hand if your middle age mate has some very old, deep wounds and can’t seem to get over the past, it might be wise for you to get over them. I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

#3 What about the ex and the kids?

Depending on how their relationship ended may determine how yours will start. If your partner experienced a lack of time, love, affection or adultery from his better half, you may need to give them time to re-group so you can get together on a level playing field. The truth of the matter is we are all products of our environments. The depth of emotions we have received throughout our lives will impact our behavior and interaction with others.

Then there are the children. They say you can tell a lot about a child when you look at the parent. I say you can learn a lot about a parent by observing the kids’ behavior. Would you want a mate whose children are out of control and disrespectful? That tells me they lack structure, guidance, discipline and love…something they obviously didn’t get from a parent. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my child being raised by someone whose own kids put him to shame. He could say he played no role in their upbringing and that, for me, would be worse!

Many of my middle age friends are starting to experience the “empty nest” syndrome but for those of us who still have a child to raise, the right mate is important because he will undoubtedly have some say in what goes on in the home. For God’s sake, don’t be so blinded by love that you can’t see the real person you’re dealing with. Don't be afraid to do a criminal background or credit check. You wouldn't want to be so involved with a person, only to discover down the road that he was a child molester or had a history of domestic violence.

#4 What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment? Are you looking for someone to fulfill that “vacant” parental role in your child’s life? Do you fear growing old alone? Are you just looking for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has all

have an impact on my happily ever the second time around.

Compare my list to yours.

#1 Has he ever been married or divorced?

That’s important to know especially if you’ve been divorced like me. It’s been my experience that older people, who’ve been single for awhile, tend to develop a mind set and get used to doing things their own way because they don’t have to answer to anyone. The dating part of the relationship can be a lot of fun but when you decide to make that trip down the aisle and move into each other’s space, your living together could end up being cramped and uncomfortable. Some people should be prepared to face the hard core reality that they may be better off alone.

#2 What kind of baggage is coming into the relationship?

Dating at middle age can be challenging because all of us bring some baggage into each other’s lives. Some of us have packed so much stuff over the years from bad relationships that we could take a trip around the world twice.

They say time heals all wounds. That may be true but you need to find out how old and deep those wounds are. In my case, I tried dating about six months after my divorce. It was someone I had known years ago and always wanted a second chance. But the wounds from my tumultuous marriage and divorce were still fresh. No matter how much I wanted the relationship to work, I couldn’t get past the anger and resentment. It caused me to slip into a deep depression and made being around me an unpleasant experience. That was my baggage. But thank God I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

On the other hand if your middle age mate has some very old, deep wounds and can’t seem to get over the past, it might be wise for you to get over them. I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

#3 What about the ex and the kids?

Depending on how their relationship ended may determine how yours will start. If your partner experienced a lack of time, love, affection or adultery from his better half, you may need to give them time to re-group so you can get together on a level playing field. The truth of the matter is we are all products of our environments. The depth of emotions we have received throughout our lives will impact our behavior and interaction with others.

Then there are the children. They say you can tell a lot about a child when you look at the parent. I say you can learn a lot about a parent by observing the kids’ behavior. Would you want a mate whose children are out of control and disrespectful? That tells me they lack structure, guidance, discipline and love…something they obviously didn’t get from a parent. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my child being raised by someone whose own kids put him to shame. He could say he played no role in their upbringing and that, for me, would be worse!

Many of my middle age friends are starting to experience the “empty nest” syndrome but for those of us who still have a child to raise, the right mate is important because he will undoubtedly have some say in what goes on in the home. For God’s sake, don’t be so blinded by love that you can’t see the real person you’re dealing with. Don't be afraid to do a criminal background or credit check. You wouldn't want to be so involved with a person, only to discover down the road that he was a child molester or had a history of domestic violence.

#4 What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment? Are you looking for someone to fulfill that “vacant” parental role in your child’s life? Do you fear growing old alone? Are you just looking for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has all

how much I wanted the relationship to work, I couldn’t get past the anger and resentment. It caused me to slip into a deep depression and made being around me an unpleasant experience. That was my baggage. But thank God I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

On the other hand if your middle age mate has some very old, deep wounds and can’t seem to get over the past, it might be wise for you to get over them. I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

#3 What about the ex and the kids?

Depending on how their relationship ended may determine how yours will start. If your partner experienced a lack of time, love, affection or adultery from his better half, you may need to give them time to re-group so you can get together on a level playing field. The truth of the matter is we are all products of our environments. The depth of emotions we have received throughout our lives will impact our behavior and interaction with others.

Then there are the children. They say you can tell a lot about a child when you look at the parent. I say you can learn a lot about a parent by observing the kids’ behavior. Would you want a mate whose children are out of control and disrespectful? That tells me they lack structure, guidance, discipline and love…something they obviously didn’t get from a parent. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my child being raised by someone whose own kids put him to shame. He could say he played no role in their upbringing and that, for me, would be worse!

Many of my middle age friends are starting to experience the “empty nest” syndrome but for those of us who still have a child to raise, the right mate is important because he will undoubtedly have some say in what goes on in the home. For God’s sake, don’t be so blinded by love that you can’t see the real person you’re dealing with. Don't be afraid to do a criminal background or credit check. You wouldn't want to be so involved with a person, only to discover down the road that he was a child molester or had a history of domestic violence.

#4 What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment? Are you looking for someone to fulfill that “vacant” parental role in your child’s life? Do you fear growing old alone? Are you just looking for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has all

bserving the kids’ behavior. Would you want a mate whose children are out of control and disrespectful? That tells me they lack structure, guidance, discipline and love…something they obviously didn’t get from a parent. I don’t know about you but I don’t want my child being raised by someone whose own kids put him to shame. He could say he played no role in their upbringing and that, for me, would be worse!

Many of my middle age friends are starting to experience the “empty nest” syndrome but for those of us who still have a child to raise, the right mate is important because he will undoubtedly have some say in what goes on in the home. For God’s sake, don’t be so blinded by love that you can’t see the real person you’re dealing with. Don't be afraid to do a criminal background or credit check. You wouldn't want to be so involved with a person, only to discover down the road that he was a child molester or had a history of domestic violence.

#4 What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment? Are you looking for someone to fulfill that “vacant” parental role in your child’s life? Do you fear growing old alone? Are you just looking for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has all

g for financial security? It's great to combine two incomes but it can be a disaster to combine loads of debt. I don’t advocate getting married to finance your old age. My mother once told me it’s better to be poor and happy than to be married and miserable.

#5 Character matters!

Years ago when I was actively pursuing a husband, I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient.

If, in your search, you’re willing to accept someone who is known for being a ladies man, breaks dates without explanation, forgets birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions, doesn’t show much respect for his mother or worse yet, can’t keep his hands to himself when he’s mad at you, then all I have to say is you’re getting what you deserve.

Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 11pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has allowed me to gain a better understanding of what it is I really want.

The man I seek at this stage of my life is one who’s strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet, gentle enough to understand my emotional stress and strife. No, I don’t have to settle for whoever should come along because I know now I can make it on my own. I prefer not to grow old alone but I realize at this stage of my life that I don’t need a man to complete my existence.

God has provided me with the resources I need in order to survive.