id player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards shoul

Good morning potential duffers! I have an appointment with the course pro in a half hour, so let’s make this quick, ok?

I promised to talk to you about the subtleties of golf course design and so I shall.

First, let’s discuss bunkers. Bunkers should be made of 6-inch reinforced concrete and be of the size dictated in the PGA rulebook. They should be planned by putting them on a line parallel to but no less than 25 feet outside of the out of bounds line. While the pros are used to bunkers with 50 caliber machine guns manned by marines, your average local municipal golf course should have cardboard refrigerator boxes manned by homeless volunteers with spit wad shooters.

Your basic howitzers should be on an adjacent piece of high ground and should only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should

einforced concrete and be of the size dictated in the PGA rulebook. They should be planned by putting them on a line parallel to but no less than 25 feet outside of the out of bounds line. While the pros are used to bunkers with 50 caliber machine guns manned by marines, your average local municipal golf course should have cardboard refrigerator boxes manned by homeless volunteers with spit wad shooters.

Your basic howitzers should be on an adjacent piece of high ground and should only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards shoul

ge local municipal golf course should have cardboard refrigerator boxes manned by homeless volunteers with spit wad shooters.

Your basic howitzers should be on an adjacent piece of high ground and should only lob shells at the fairway if the contestant’s selection of pants color allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards shoul

or allows for visual sighting without using the aid of binoculars. PGA rules also allow for the firing of the howitzers if a contestant fourteen putts on any green. Use of additional mortar emplacements is allowed if there is a line more that four deep waiting at the tee behind said player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards shoul

id player.

Liberal use of sand traps and foxholes are the sign of a diligent course engineer. Professional sand traps may be populated by at least one mating pair of the giant worms found in that Famous Golf Television series “Tremors.”

Professional water hazards should use the latest technology wave generation devices for the creation of Tsunamis. When the caddy can say with pride, “Awesome surf, duuuude!” the course designer may also beam with the pride of a job well done.

The use of alligators on golf courses is standard in some southern states…The use of rattlesnakes may spice up some western sand traps…but in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York , allowing the Crips and the Bloods to perform gang warfare on the back nine has become a favorite of many surviving spectators.

Your fashion conscious designers like VeeJay Klein and Mister Frisky (Fashion consultant to the Starz!) have hotly debated the use of minefields. While some consider the explosive, flower-like dispersal of fairway and green a fashion statement that fairly screams, “Get the Rescue Squad…STAT!” groundskeepers who are anal about divots say they may find themselves in The Upham Hall Psychiatric Facility for the Sod-Deprived.

I suggest that if you find the use of minefields appealing, the good designer will always have grass seed stations at every green, so as to retain good ground staff.

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