methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget f

Most people have thought about going away on vacation with their friends, at some point. You get on really well; you’ve been to a few BBQs at their house and out to a restaurant a couple of times. Perhaps you’ve stayed up late playing cards enjoying their company. Your children are always around at their house, and vice versa, and you’ve been car pooling with them for years. So, you’re sitting around after a good meal, talking about vacations when someone suggests you should rent a vacation home together. That way you’ll get a bigger property and pay less because you’ll be splitting the costs. Everyone gets excited about the idea and you enthusiastically plan where you should go and when.

Yes, we’ve all been there at some point, although some are more sensible than others and don’t get carried away with the idea. Those who’ve experienced the practicalities of sharing accommodation with friends will tell you that it rarely matches the initial anticipation and its not uncommon for such a vacation to be the end of a burgeoning, or even a long-term friendship.

The most common cause of resentment and irritation is the different ways we raise our children. Those in the laissez faire camp who feel that since they are on vacation, any rules they may have at home can simply be put on hold while on holiday, will clash with the autocratic parents who hold that rules are rules, wherever they may be.

My sister recently had her daughter and three grandchildren to stay, along with a nephew and his family that included two more small children. Having five kids under 6 in the house is challenging enough, but even more so when their parents where fighting over bedtime issues. One mom was relaxed about bedtimes and let her children play and watch TV until late. The other rigidly stuck to home schedules and wanted hers to be in bed by 7pm as usual. Seeing the two moms squaring off was like watching Rosie O’Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbach in verbal combat.

It’s important to establish the groundrules before you go, so talk about what you are prepared to compromise on, and what you’re not. Find out what is important to each family and discuss ways of respecting your differences. And, don’t leave it till you arrive to decide who gets the bedroom with the queen size bed. Here’s a few points to help:

Appoint a ‘vacation planner’. If you are sharing the planning, decide who will be the party leader, the one who does the booking and gets on with the administration tasks. It’s great to all get involved in the overall decision making, but one person should have the task of collating all the information.

Allocate cooking days to each family. We go on vacation with friends each year and it’s a very relaxing time. My friend, Mary, is a great organizer and she arrives with her meals all planned, while my cooking days are more ‘last minute’ events. But the rule is that we don’t interfere with each others methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget fo

although some are more sensible than others and don’t get carried away with the idea. Those who’ve experienced the practicalities of sharing accommodation with friends will tell you that it rarely matches the initial anticipation and its not uncommon for such a vacation to be the end of a burgeoning, or even a long-term friendship.

The most common cause of resentment and irritation is the different ways we raise our children. Those in the laissez faire camp who feel that since they are on vacation, any rules they may have at home can simply be put on hold while on holiday, will clash with the autocratic parents who hold that rules are rules, wherever they may be.

My sister recently had her daughter and three grandchildren to stay, along with a nephew and his family that included two more small children. Having five kids under 6 in the house is challenging enough, but even more so when their parents where fighting over bedtime issues. One mom was relaxed about bedtimes and let her children play and watch TV until late. The other rigidly stuck to home schedules and wanted hers to be in bed by 7pm as usual. Seeing the two moms squaring off was like watching Rosie O’Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbach in verbal combat.

It’s important to establish the groundrules before you go, so talk about what you are prepared to compromise on, and what you’re not. Find out what is important to each family and discuss ways of respecting your differences. And, don’t leave it till you arrive to decide who gets the bedroom with the queen size bed. Here’s a few points to help:

Appoint a ‘vacation planner’. If you are sharing the planning, decide who will be the party leader, the one who does the booking and gets on with the administration tasks. It’s great to all get involved in the overall decision making, but one person should have the task of collating all the information.

Allocate cooking days to each family. We go on vacation with friends each year and it’s a very relaxing time. My friend, Mary, is a great organizer and she arrives with her meals all planned, while my cooking days are more ‘last minute’ events. But the rule is that we don’t interfere with each others methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget f

n to stay, along with a nephew and his family that included two more small children. Having five kids under 6 in the house is challenging enough, but even more so when their parents where fighting over bedtime issues. One mom was relaxed about bedtimes and let her children play and watch TV until late. The other rigidly stuck to home schedules and wanted hers to be in bed by 7pm as usual. Seeing the two moms squaring off was like watching Rosie O’Donnell and Elizabeth Hasselbach in verbal combat.

It’s important to establish the groundrules before you go, so talk about what you are prepared to compromise on, and what you’re not. Find out what is important to each family and discuss ways of respecting your differences. And, don’t leave it till you arrive to decide who gets the bedroom with the queen size bed. Here’s a few points to help:

Appoint a ‘vacation planner’. If you are sharing the planning, decide who will be the party leader, the one who does the booking and gets on with the administration tasks. It’s great to all get involved in the overall decision making, but one person should have the task of collating all the information.

Allocate cooking days to each family. We go on vacation with friends each year and it’s a very relaxing time. My friend, Mary, is a great organizer and she arrives with her meals all planned, while my cooking days are more ‘last minute’ events. But the rule is that we don’t interfere with each others methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget f

leave it till you arrive to decide who gets the bedroom with the queen size bed. Here’s a few points to help:

Appoint a ‘vacation planner’. If you are sharing the planning, decide who will be the party leader, the one who does the booking and gets on with the administration tasks. It’s great to all get involved in the overall decision making, but one person should have the task of collating all the information.

Allocate cooking days to each family. We go on vacation with friends each year and it’s a very relaxing time. My friend, Mary, is a great organizer and she arrives with her meals all planned, while my cooking days are more ‘last minute’ events. But the rule is that we don’t interfere with each others methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget f

methods, or preparations. While Mary cooks and organizes, I’m out sunbathing; while I’m creating mayhem in the kitchen, she’s off on a canoe expedition.

Talk about expectations and cover all bases. If your idea of a relaxing vacation is not being bothered about anything, and that includes cleaning up after the children, or washing the dishes before bed, and your friends are clean freaks, there’s a good basis for early argument. I am a very early riser, and am often up by 5am for some really quiet time. If I was with friends whose children were straight into loud TV in the early morning, I’d be feeling pretty resentful that my space was being invaded.

Decide how money will be handled. Work out a daily budget for general household expenses and multiply that by the days you are away. Take a kitty jar and get each family to put their share into it as soon as you arrive. Decide how you’ll manage the alcohol budget too, and keep that separate. Don’t nitpick about this – most vacation arguments centre on either children or money.

Be upfront and honest about your feelings and agree to share any concerns before they turn into argument. Talking about and criticizing your friends’ actions or habits behind their backs soon escalates into full scale resentment, so bring any minor irritations out into the open early on.

Never let the sun set on your anger. This was my mother’s motto, and it is a useful one to keep in mind. Make sure that you end each day in harmony, and still enjoying each others company.

Forward planning is the best way of making sure the friends you started your vacation with are still friends at the end. You can have as much fun in the planning stage of your vacation as you have while you are there, so spend the time wisely really getting to know the people you’ll be living with for a week or two. Who knows – it could make for a lifetime of multi-family vacations.